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A man rushed into his house and yelled to his wife, "Susan, pack your things. I just won the National Lottery!’
‘Brilliant,’ replied Susan, ‘shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’
‘I don't care.’ the man said, ‘just so long as you're out of the house by noon!’
Sam was in dire trouble. His business had gone bust and he was in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate he decided to pray for help. He began, ‘God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.’ Lottery night came and Sam didn’t win. Again Sam prays, ‘God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.’ Lotto night comes and Sam still has no luck. Once again, he prays, ‘My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.’ Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. Sam is confronted by the voice of God Himself: ‘Sam,’ says God, ‘meet Me halfway on this. Buy a bloody ticket.’
Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
I was such a fool. Please forgive me. Your absence is breaking my heart. Nobody could ever take your place. I love you with all my heart. Please take me back into your heart,
All My Love
.P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.
Redneck Lottery Winner
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
... Dear State Lottery Commission:
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